This is a reply from a UK bank who kept on insisting I send them a letter confirming my change of address. When it was pointed out that this had been done and in fact they had sent an email confirming receipt of the new address they then followed up with what must rank as one of the most stupid replies I have ever received.
I can confirm that we have received your letter stating your new address. Unfortunately we are not permitted to make any changes on a customers account without being directly told to by the customer. Although your letter detailed your new address it did not however request that we amend this. In order for us to action this we do require another written request, this must be signed and dated.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Another clash with authority
This is a copy of an actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries, from theMichigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait until you read this guy's response - but read the entire letter before you get to the response.Mr. Ryan DeVries2088 DaggetPierson, MI 49339SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;Site Location: Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Qualitythat there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referencedparcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landownerand/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outletstream of Spring Pond.A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. Areview of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is inviolation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resourceand Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Lawsannotated.The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partiallyfailed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding atdownstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherentlyhazardous and cannot be permitted.The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activitiesat this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition byremoving all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed sothat a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failureto comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on thesite may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcementaction.We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. PriceDistrict RepresentativeLand and Water Management Division
RESPONSE:
Dear Mr. Price,Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;Montcalm CountyReference your certified letter dated 12/17/2000 has been referred to meto respond to. First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legallandowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (Stateunauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris"dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, Ithink they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use ofnatural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge yourdepartment to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or anyplace you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you couldever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their damingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or theirdam work ethic.As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they mustfirst fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of damactivity. My first dam question to you is:(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers? or,(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to saiddam request?If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, throughthe Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all thoseother applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps wewill see if there really is a dam violation of P! art 301, Inland Lakesand Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.3010,1 to324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have severalconcerns. My first concern is aren't the beavers entitled to legalrepresentation?The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to payfor said representation - so the State will have to provide them with alawyer.The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failedduring a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is anatural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. Inother words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather thanharrass them and call their dam names. If you want the stream "restored"to a dam free-flow condition - please contact the beavers - but if youare going to arrest them they obviously did not pay any attention toyour dam letter (being unable to read English).In my humble ! opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to buildtheir unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is greenand water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to liveand enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources andEnvironmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect thenatural resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can bereferred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until1/31/2002 The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, andthere will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass themthen.In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a realenvironmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears.Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe youshould be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (Thebears are not careful where they dump!)Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable tocontact you on your answering machine, I am sending this response toyour office via another government organization - the USPS. Maybe,someday, it will get there.Sincerely,Stephen L. TvedtenThe University of Texas at: AustinOffice Community Relations/Accounting unitP.O. Box 7367Austin, TX 78713
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Qualitythat there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referencedparcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landownerand/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outletstream of Spring Pond.A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. Areview of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is inviolation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resourceand Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Lawsannotated.The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partiallyfailed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding atdownstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherentlyhazardous and cannot be permitted.The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activitiesat this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition byremoving all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed sothat a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failureto comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on thesite may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcementaction.We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. PriceDistrict RepresentativeLand and Water Management Division
RESPONSE:
Dear Mr. Price,Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;Montcalm CountyReference your certified letter dated 12/17/2000 has been referred to meto respond to. First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legallandowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (Stateunauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris"dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, Ithink they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use ofnatural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge yourdepartment to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or anyplace you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you couldever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their damingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or theirdam work ethic.As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they mustfirst fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of damactivity. My first dam question to you is:(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers? or,(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to saiddam request?If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, throughthe Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all thoseother applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps wewill see if there really is a dam violation of P! art 301, Inland Lakesand Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.3010,1 to324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have severalconcerns. My first concern is aren't the beavers entitled to legalrepresentation?The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to payfor said representation - so the State will have to provide them with alawyer.The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failedduring a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is anatural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. Inother words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather thanharrass them and call their dam names. If you want the stream "restored"to a dam free-flow condition - please contact the beavers - but if youare going to arrest them they obviously did not pay any attention toyour dam letter (being unable to read English).In my humble ! opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to buildtheir unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is greenand water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to liveand enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources andEnvironmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect thenatural resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can bereferred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until1/31/2002 The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, andthere will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass themthen.In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a realenvironmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears.Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe youshould be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (Thebears are not careful where they dump!)Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable tocontact you on your answering machine, I am sending this response toyour office via another government organization - the USPS. Maybe,someday, it will get there.Sincerely,Stephen L. TvedtenThe University of Texas at: AustinOffice Community Relations/Accounting unitP.O. Box 7367Austin, TX 78713
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Passport Application
Dear Mr. Minister,I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knowsthat I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the FederalGovernment is still asking me where I was born and on what date.For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all theincome tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my healthinsurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passportsI've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill outbefore being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all thoseinsufferable census forms that are done at election times.Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name isMaryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if thatever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!SHIT!I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between youan' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to myhouse, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have agang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig upYasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandybeach.And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I planon visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to dosomething weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell notwant to tell anyone!Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city andget another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot toassist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have usrunning all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off,then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture- you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (fuckin' morons)Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone toconfirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have servedin the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearancesup the yingyang.I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten yearsand I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA !!!
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